I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
