just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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