end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
