remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You need Xanax blowdarts
I think your dad took our porno
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
