His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
