So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
