goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
