hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Well I just put wine in my tea
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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