This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
