All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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