I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
