so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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