I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
