I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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