Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
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I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
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I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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