please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
