Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You left your phone here
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