Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
