Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
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