When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Sober January is a disaster.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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