Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
