Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize