I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
