Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
