We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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