his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I queefed so loud it echoed.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
