Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
