I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
