He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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