i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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