Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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