Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
