Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
