hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
