she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
