Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I can't put those talents on a resume
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
