i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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