I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You need a sexual gate keeper
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
