8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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