You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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