I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
