I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
