yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
