wakey wakey hands off snakey
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
How many fucks given?
0.12846
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
