He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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