I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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