got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
