Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
