I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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