do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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