he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
