I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
