I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
