Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
