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i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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