i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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