Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
