Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
this just has baby written all over it
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
