dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
