so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
