as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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