Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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