she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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