There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
