he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
