He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
