I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
