No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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