Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
You left your phone here
Wait...
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