im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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