Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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