Its about making memories worth repressing
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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