Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
