the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
