goodnight i made you a song goodbye
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize