I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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